Today I was looking at my arm and noticed how ok it felt.

….why would it not be ok, you may think?

Well a few days ago I burnt it on the pan while cooking. It was a small burn and it hurt.

How did I treat it?

By keeping it clean and letting nature do the rest, I hardly noticed it healing, and it has…so I wonder, perhaps my unquestioned trust in the power of nature to heal minor wounds could be applied to my emotional hurts?

What do you think?

Today I ask you….Are you sitting comfortably?

If not, how can you make it better for yourself..NOW?

Change seats, stand, stretch, eat, nap, watch TV, walk, be still, get busy..

Do whatever it takes now. Don’t wait.

And then think of how you can make yourself more comfortable in other places.

At work, at home, what will help?

And if you cant make the change right now, write a list…

Enjoy

Today I am thinking about Mr Pigs

He came to fix my motorbike once.

He had a way of tackling sharp corners, that I still remember today.

His wisdom was about keeping your eyes on something ahead, notably, the place where you are going, where you are aiming for. By focusing on that place you were able to deal with the ups and down on the immediate road..

He applied to Life..that is, don’t sweat the small stuff, just know where you are heading and the day to day stuff will sort itself out. I liked that..

Today I wonder, what is the difference between rules and feelings?

Rules make me think of  ‘shoulds’, ‘must do’, judgements (if you break a rule)

and expectations of how things should be…..rules, I guess

but they are not often as they ‘should be’, often the ‘should feel’ rule is broken and it feels bad

Feelings are natural, free flowing, chaotic, messy, a control freaks nightmare and the foundation of relationships

So I thinking how can rules be applied to feelings? Maybe they cant?

And so why feel bad for having feelings?

Today I have been thinking how alike I am to a sea anemone.

You know the kind I mean, like a sunflower, and when you prod it, it closes up.

When I am hurt I too feel like I close up. After a while I open up again, its natural,

but if I keep getting prodded I learn to keep closed, tight.

And it takes a lot of work to trust that it will be ok again, if I open up.

I wonder if you get stuck, closed up too?

Today I have been trying to improve my communication skills.

Instead of expecting others to magically know what I want and need, I am trying to say it.

When I  have established what I want and need from another, I say it. Not in an aggressive way.

Rather in an assertive way like,  “I want to do X and I need your support”. Or, ” I am unhappy at X and I want you to stop doing Y”.  Or  “I’m really busy today and I need you to do Y”

It feels better already. Maybe you can try it too.

Today I was clearing out my wardrobe.

Amazed by how much ‘stuff’ I’ve got, I’ve collected. When I was young it seemed important to collect ‘stuff’, and now I find I am trying to get rid of my ‘stuff’.

It seems that the first half of my life has been spent collecting things and the second half is spent giving it away…!

Today I saw my grandson. Spent time looking after him. In truth he was looking after me.

No words are needed. He doesn’t ask questions. He accepts me, all of me, trusts me, wants be with me. And all I do is show up and stay with him. It refreshes my heart

Today I have been thinking how we all set goals and targets…and it’s great to have something that motivates and makes us feel good when we achieve it and as we work towards it 😄
It’s when we have a goal that does not bring us pleasure as we strive to achieve it and or when we achieve –

that can suck.

You see if I set a goal that I believe will make me happy, I say to myself – I will be happy when…..and by default I am saying I will not  be happy until I reach it. 😙

Today I was reminded of how vulnerable we are…

I have an Eating Disorder and OCD.

I work on them everyday.

So I’m kind of aware of it most of the time.

I’m seeing it now in the gym.

What starts as a goal,  to get fit, a better shape, feel more healthy…..turns at some point into a compulsion to exercise and restrict food intake, a bit like, how much more can I train and much less can I eat.

What began as a positive morphs into a negative- a compulsion to train and diet, a must-do, otherwise the guilt is crushing, and the healthy goal has long since been absent.

Today  I was trying to make a decision and felt an underlying fear of it going wrong.

What would help?

I was reminded of a technique a friend suggested.

On paper, write down your worst fears, say 3 or 4, about how it could turn out wrong. Put paper in an envelope, seal it.

Wait 3 days, open letter. Read. How do you feel now?

Interesting results……..😉

What about you?

Today I have realised the control that pain has over our lives.

My knee, yes it still hurts but, not as much. It’s healing.

It’s only now the pain is easing do I realise how much energy and attention it takes up.

It’s only now I can begin to attend to other things, too preoccupied before..

Guess it’s the same for all pain, physical or emotional or mental

It’s pre-occupying. You only see how it consumed you when you start to heal..

Today  I have been thinking about pleasure, what makes me smile?

It’s usually little things more than big things. A nice meal. A smile from my grandson. A nice comfortable bed. Clean sheets….you know, simple stuff.

Why is it important to have pleasure in my life?

For me it lifts my spirits.

Kahil Gabrin says it better ‘ For in the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed’.

Have a refreshing day 😃

Today  I found myself fed up with my knee.

It’s been behaving itself for 5 decades, but now decides to throw a wobbler. Not just a twinge. A big kick ass pain that means I can’t bend my leg.

So what? You may think…

For me it means no running, spinning, any exercise…that sucks.

It is beyond my control so I have to change my head, my attitude. How?

These words from AA help:

‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’

Maybe I will gain some wisdom that tells me to settle down, take care of my body, listen to the pain and adjust as this will fasten my recovery. It will pass…

Why is that so hard for humans?

Today I was talking to my supervisor…. She reminded me about living life as fully as you can. Taking every day as an experience because it is a gift, it is a present

Today I was struggling to get comfortable with feeling afraid. That gut wrenching aching sensation, or the stomach churning kind or the one about your inners being pulled down…

Why, you maybe wondering?   Two reasons

Firstly, an obvious answer, life has thrown me a few things that I can’t fix, control or make better and things beyond  my control can scare me a lot!

And secondly, I tried stuffing my fear down, denying I felt it, brave face stuff, stiff upper lip, until I became numb, like a frozen iceberg.

You see I’d not realised that when you turn off one feeling, you turn them all off….

Oh!

Today I have been thinking about failing..

I don’t know about you but failing to me has been a sign of weakness. A sign that ‘ I am not good enough’

Something to be avoided at all costs..

And yet change and growth is about failing. As my spinning instructor said to me, ‘you need to fail so you can grow stronger, get fitter. Holding back keeps you from growing’

One if my goals is emotional growth, so maybe what works physically works emotionally too?

Don’t be afraid to experience feelings, however intense or painful, don’t avoid them….and grow.

Some days life seems to flow easily and things fall into place.

 Some days it’s the opposite and even though we are doing the same things, it’s like we are wading in treacle and our brains won’t work…

What do I do?

Today I woke up with less energy than I wanted.

Only 60% tops. I wanted 100%. I had things to do…

What choice do I have?

Choice A: I can ignore myself and crash on regardless, getting more stressed and resentful as I struggle to pretend I’m ok and end up feeling the day was a waste…

Choice B: I accept the reality of less energy and do 60% of my stuff (nothing of my stuff is life threatening of course) and feel more relaxed, even get something out of the day. And know that when my energy levels are 100% I can do 100% of my stuff

What to do?

I shall have a coffee while I ponder…

Today I was in the gym wondering how I could combine a physical workout with a mindful one?

How could I do it?

I began to match my breathing with my reps, counting my breaths as I moved.

While I kept forgetting, overall I had managed to connect my physical movements with my awareness…

It felt nice😃

Today this caught me eye…

When the student is ready, the master will appear.

To get ready, I often need to let go of what I think I know, so that new stuff can be learnt

Otherwise I’m too full up to listen…😉 how about you?

Today it occurred to me that I am not that different from a tree, say an apple tree..
Bear with me here…a tree needs basic things like water, sunshine, some protection when young against bad weather etc then less so as it matures. Sometimes it needs special attention, pruning even but then it gives, for an apple tree it’s apples. And the more you pick the more the tree gives them..

We humans need the basics: food, shelter, sleep, support, protection at vulnerable times, and if we get these things we can give – our time, energy, love.

But just like the tree, if I have not got the basics then my giving is severely limited, my batteries are empty.

So today I’m making sure my basic needs are met: good food, sleep, support 😉

Today I have been thinking about anger, how I didn’t handle it…

I used to think that if someone upset me then I had to get my anger out by telling them how I felt and why…

I would have tennis like arguments in my head with this imaginary person, figuring out what I’d say if they said that..it never turned out well, I’d just wind myself up.

Then a wise person told me a secret…to let go of my anger I just needed to vent it, to express this bottled up energy or emotion, it didn’t need to be vented at the person I felt angry with…

Scream, shout, exercise hard,  tell a trusted friend, just let it out…..and when my anger had gone down, even a bit, I was then able to figure out what to do…better.

Today  I have been feeling angry, very angry about how someone I know behaved…and this pleases me…?

This sounds strange? Maybe? But then I know it’s taken me a long time to learn to NOT avoid my feelings.

I was scared of anger, feeling angry was overwhelming, like an emotional tsunami…I’ve learnt since that accepting my anger is better…not so scared now…and I can think how I may want to respond or not.

So, like I said, today I’m feeling angry 😃